Wednesday, 27 February 2008

A Reunion with Your Ex Looks Less Likely by the Minute

After I split with my girlfriend a few years back, I thought I'd be a bit savvy and turn to the internet to see what could be done to get her back. I eventually found a bunch of e-books on the topic, one of which made the heady promise that "I would never have to lift a finger" and she'd come running back to me. This e-book sounded the most appealing (and easiest to implement!) from the sales page, so I went ahead and snapped it up.

I basically paid for someone to tell me that I should implement a "No contact" policy with my ex and she would magically come running back to me. It seemed PERFECT on paper. She would eventually begin to miss me, and she'd become desperate for my affection once more. She'd also see that I wasn't needy and I'd have the upper hand. Days passed. Weeks passed. One day, curiosity simply got the better of me - I went on her Facebook page (which I had been told not t do because it broke the no contact policy). Low and behold, she was with some jerk, and if the flirty comments were to be believed, they were already sleeping together and she had never been happier. The cheek!

Let me tell you, I felt low. Getting an ex back CAN be done, but it's tricky as hell and requires a little bit more than just sitting back and hoping she'll realise she's made a mistake in leaving you. I now know that this was a stupid strategy, and it is - but alot of "experts" out there preach this method and I got sucked into their faulty logic and bought into it. Let me tell you now, it's junk. A successful strategy to getting your girl back is based on making the right moves while avoiding the wrong ones. Avoiding her ENTIRELY is a WRONG move.

I did eventually decide to follow a different course of action to try and win her back, but it was simply too late. She'd hooked up with this guy and they got on great. Wasting valuable time with a "no contact" policy was my undoing.

After I thought about it for a while, I came to realise that the "no contact" technique was truely a terrible one: I completely dissapeared from her life for over a month. While this might have hurt her temporarily in the immediacy of the breakup, after a while, with every day that passed, she became used to living life without me. It's very easy to forget someone you don't even know exists anymore! The old saying "time heals all wounds" holds alot of water. Avoiding her completely was a bad move - it gave her complete space and time to heal, and heal she did. And by leaving her life, for just one month, I left the door wide open for someone else to walk into her life.

Don't make the mistake of buying into a plan that tells you to "avoid" her for a while. It's a cheap and nasty trick that simply doesn't work. This happened to me back in 2005, and I hope you don't fall into the trap of using this method to try and win her back. For a plan that WORKS, I recommend - the Internet's premier guide to getting back an ex.

Article posted 19th of November 2009. May not be copied without permission.

Sunday, 17 February 2008

Why You Should NEVER be Friends with an Ex...If You Still Love Them!

Break-ups are tough. I should know: I've been through my fair share! A lot of the time leaving your partner behind can feel like kicking a drug. You think about them 24/7; desperate for just one more "fix" of that special person. If only you could have them back in your life just ONE last time, you'd give ANYTHING. It's natural that a lot of guys yearn to get back with their ex-girlfriend or spouse. Sometimes a break-up can be sudden, and to be suddenly denied the right to intimacy (physical and emotional) with someone can be soul destroying to say the least. Even when a guy spots a break-up coming from a mile away as the relationship go downhill, the eventual heartbreak of a split can still be unbearable. Some studies indicate that heartbreak can be more emotionally devastating than dealing with the DEATH of a family member. How crazy is that? Well, If you're going through a break-up right now, it probably doesn't sound so crazy to you!

It's understandable that many guys want to keep their special person in their life after a break-up; they simply can't bear the thought of not seeing them or being in contact with them. In desperation, guys promise to "stay friends" with their ex. Secretly, most of these guys think that by hovering around their girlfriend as a "friend", eventually she'll come to her senses and take them back, right? She'll realise what she's missing if they're extra nice to her and shower her with gifts and compliments, right? Wrong. DEAD wrong.

Giving your ex "friendship" after a break-up spells suicide for any chance of you getting back together with her. Let me explain.

A break-up is like a shipwreck. No matter how she presents herself after a break-up, your girlfriend will undoubtedly be hurting, just like you are. Both you and your girlfriend are lost in a "sea" of turmoil. Offering your girlfriend your hand in friendship after the break-up is like helping her swim to shore. You're there for her, making sure she doesn't drown on the way. All the time you're her friend, you'll be helping rebuild her ego simply by being there for her. She'll derive strength from the knowledge that you're always around for her, friend or otherwise. What has she lost? Not much since you're still in the picture for her! (Just in the wrong way - as a friend)

By staying in the "friend zone" after a break-up, you'll be helping her make it to an emotionally stable state once more (dry land). Being there for her gives her a safety net - she probably knows you want her back, and this means she doesn't feel any sense of rejection. Your presence is helping her get to shore. And as soon as she hits that steady, rocky beach - as soon as she feels confident again and ready (thanks to YOUR hard work and emotional support), she's going to move on. And not with you. She'll find someone else. You're just a friend to her now, remember? You, however, tired out from constant efforts to try and win her back will be left in the sea to drown, and you know what? She isn't coming back for you. You'll feel miserable, and she'll have moved on.

Sound good to you? Of course not!

This is the typical outcome of staying friends with an ex.Do you want to get her back? The first thing you need to do is take a step back. You are not friends. You will not be there for her right now. You don't have to tell her you hate her or anything, but make sure you create a little distance from her for now.

This should be the first step in any successful plan to getting an ex lover back. For a complete plan, you'll probably need help. Want her back? I recommend - the Internet's premier guide to getting back an ex.

Article posted 19th of November 2009. May not be copied without permission..

Glorifying Your Partner (Current or Ex) - A Bad Idea!

We've all done it. We've all glorified a relationship or partner, past or present. Sometimes whenwe lose a girlfriend we seem to think despairing thoughts. "She was the love of my LIFE, and she's gone!". It can be easy to spiral into a pit of despair thanks to the notion that you've lost your "soul mate". However, some guys can simply shrug off a break-up, even when they had a great thing going with their partner. This doesn't mean they didn't care about their partners, or that they're jerks - it just means these guys have the right mind set, and I'll get to that shortly.

When you're IN a relationship, especially if it's your first, it's easy to go a bit overboard and start buying into the whole "soul mate" thing. You might tell your lady friend things like "I don't know what I'd do without you". Sound familiar? It's fine, until you go overboard.

I bet you at least know one guy who does this kind of stuff - writes his girlfriend soppy love poems, talks about her all the time, proclaims his undying love for her on their Facebook page. You may even be this guy. At some point down the line, this guy becomes convinced in his head that his partner is the PERFECT match for him. That the relationship will NEVER end and that he will spend the rest of his days in bliss with his new found soul mate. He doesn't just think his new partners is great, he thinks she is PERFECT. He loses his objective vision of his partner.

While the idea that your relationship is perfection incarnate, and that you and your girlfriend are a match made in the stars is nice and romantic, it simply isn't true. And whilst romantic talk - "I love you more than any man loves any woman" - might make your partner feel good (for a while until they tire of it and see you as needy), it's when a guy gets into the mentality that the relationship is a perfectly crafted thing of beauty and "meant to be" that he's got himself into a bit of a dilemma. Let me tell you more.

I have a buddy who met a girl at a bar. They hit it off, and pretty soon they were dating. Things changed, his IM name suddenly became "Romeo Loves Juliet with all his heart" (his name wasn't Romeo and she wasn't Juliet but you get the idea). Every time he came out he would talk about her non stop. When we saw a pretty girl, he would defiantly tell us all that "nobody else in the world is good looking except my Juliet." (Juliet was, incidentally, overweight and ugly.) Romeo spent all his time and money on Juliet - she was his soul mate after all, right? She deserved it all? Wrong. She left him for another guy after 8 months. Whether or not she left him because of his over romantic behaviour is not the important point in this story, what's important is what happened next.

Romeo was destroyed. Utterly convinced in his head that he had lost the "perfect" woman, he refused to go out. He stopped answering calls and sank into a deep depression. He had lost his soul mate: what was the point of living? Romeo eventually tried to end his own life, but thankfully was stopped.

You know why Romeo hit rock bottom? Because Romeo was an idiot. Juliet was a girl he happened to get on well with for a time. She wasn't particularly good looking, she was fat and she wasn't too smart either. Romeo had been perfectly happy before he met her. He made the mistake, however, of glorifying her in his head. When he finally lost her, in his head, he lost a Goddess. The loss was much greater. He'd fallen into a trap.

If you're going through a break-up, it is important to realise your ex girlfriend is a human being. She's not your soul mate - she will probably have relationships with other guys just like you (unless you manage to get back together), and those guys will probably tell her the same kind of things you told her. She is not a Goddess, so don't make her one in your head. This is something that can make difference between a sad break-up, and a soul crushing one. Choose.

If you do want to get an ex back after a split, you should ask yourself if she's really all that great first, and then if you're certain, head over to - the Internet's best guide to winning back an ex.

Article posted 19th of November 2009. May not be copied without permission.